A letter to my babies

Dear Lila & Cole,

Today is the day the doctor said you would be born. We would have never imagined, that exactly four months ago today, you would have already made your way into the world. We also never would have imagined that you would have left it as quickly as you came.

It is so bittersweet, but yet amazing, the difference your lives have made on us and the people surrounding us. Even people we don’t know. God has let so many people cross our paths that have shared this same grief and that have allowed us to tell your story. Not very many days go by without us having the pleasure of speaking your names. Just to say those words aloud, it breathes life back into me. It has always been our goal to see to it that your lives had purpose. That the world will be a better place because you were here. We believe that we are already seeing that happen.

Do you know how many people pray for mommy and daddy every day? Do you know that you have a tree planted in your honor that others can use to honor people they love? Can you see all the donations that have been made in memory of you? Did you see all the gifts and cards people sent for you because they loved you so much, even without ever getting to meet you? Do you see the people that mommy and daddy try to help because of our love for you?

Even as I write this, a song we love that reminds us of you is playing on the radio. I believe that God holds us as much as He holds you. He has blessed us with new friends and new experiences that we would have never known had you not been born. He has renewed our faith in a situation where all faith could be lost. He has given us peace at times where we could have completely lost it. He has shown us grace and allowed us to show it to others instead of being in a place of hurt. There is such a sense of awareness now where before, we were wrapped up in our own selves. I hate that it took a heartbreaking experience to bring these things to fruition, but I’m glad that we've embraced the good that can come of this instead of making it for nothing.

We hope there are holes in the floor of Heaven where you can look in on us from time to time. We hope that you can look past the hurt that we have, the hurt you will never know, and be proud of the things we are doing now. We are not perfect people but we do have a perfect love for you. One that will never know disappointment and regret. A love so pure that it will never be tainted with the pain of this world. A perfect love that will survive this lifetime and carry us into eternity.

I'm not going to try to fit a lifetime of words into one letter. This is just where we are today. I talk to you most days and tell you things I want you to know. I probably always will. That is the relationship we have and I will cherish that.

Countless tears have been shed from me and daddy because we ache so much without you here. I hope that those tears are like angel kisses on your sweet cheeks. I hope that you can feel that love though you are so far away.

Save a spot for us, sweet babies. We'll be home soon.

Love,
Mommy & Daddy