My reality

This has really been a tough week for me.

A lot of changes are taking place and we've taken many small steps forward towards our future. For starters, we moved out of our house over the weekend and moved in with my parents. On a good day this would have been a little difficult for me, but now, it's magnified.

This is the home we moved into a week before we were married. At that time we were so full of hope, all the while living paycheck to paycheck. We never imagined we'd be able to afford the home and pay off our student loans. In the midst of that we'd have transmissions go out and tires blow and we struggled, but we held on to each other.

On Tuesday night, Steve and I said goodbye to our home as we reminisced through every room in the house and told our favorite memories about each one. **To those who know: The bat story came up several times...I'm so glad we can laugh about that now as one of our favorite memories**

On the night we came home from our honeymoon, I remember sitting in the rain in the car while Steve sprinted into the house for a bathroom break because we had driven straight through without stopping. I waited because I didn't want to walk through the door, I wanted him to carry me over the threshold. Because at that time, that is what I thought was important.

So six years ago when we stepped foot in our first house, we struggled and we didn't know how we'd survive and we were full of hope ....and we chose to walk through the door together. It seems that some things haven't changed so much after all.

On Monday, I had to take Elly to the vet for her annual shots. I usually have to wait a couple hours when I'm there so I took advantage of the time by starting a new book my counselor gave me to read. A few chapters in, a lady comes into the waiting room with her baby. As I sit reading my book, I hear them playing and I hear the sweet laughter that can only come from a content child. Tears begin to swell in my eyes. I'm reading a book on coping with loss while I listen to the baby laugh and realize that I will never get to hear that from Lila & Cole. In that moment I realize, this is my reality. I know that there will be thousands of these moments in my life and I have to take them one by one. In this moment, I paused from my book and took in that sweet sound, it was music to my ears.

Today I'm officially back to work, albeit from my home office. This is a step where I have really put a lot of pressure on myself. I hold myself to a certain level of achievement, and once I reach that level, I don't want to accept anything less. I've doubted myself that I could perform to the same level that I was on before. But guess what? I sat down, turned on my computer and gave it a shot. Turns out, I can still design a kitchen. Go figure.

So today we signed the papers to sell our home and tonight we will sign the papers to order our babies' headstone. Two things that shouldn't be in the same sentence but yet,it's our reality. And we're taking it one moment at a time.
*View of sunrise from our first home*

Our new address:
10907 Bardstown Woods Blvd
Louisville, KY 40291