No pictures, Just words

I hope you enjoyed hearing about our trip last week. Sometimes I don't know if I'm writing to myself or if people are actually still reading this blog.

I know I have at least one reader who so sweetly took the time to write and mail us a special note after she saw the faces of our children.

Andrea, you'll never know how much your words meant to us. I received that card on one of my worst days and it reminded me what I'm fighting for. Thank you.

I did receive an email and a couple text messages after we posted the video and I also want to say "thank you" to those who did that. We needed to hear those words of encouragement as I doubted myself many times about posting those pictures.

Steve and I are working so hard every day to figure out what this new life without our children is going to be. Some days I think we are making so much progress and then some days we get our legs pulled right out from under us. We're working on the new dynamic of our marriage because now we have to play different roles for each other. I have to figure out how to be this person as I go back to work in a week and what role this whole thing will play in that.

Despite these things, I would say that we are just ok. Some days are really good and some days are really bad. I think "OK" is a good mixture of both. We have our faith and we have a great counselor and we have two huge families and many friends that are there when we need them. Most importantly, we have each other. And sometimes, that's all we need. Sometimes, we have to work this out between us because ultimately, we're the only ones who know what this feels like. We're the only ones who had Lila & Cole and that makes this story different from anyone who ever went through this and everyone who ever will.

I also think that it will take some time. As of now it's only been two months and it makes me sadder with every day that passes because I feel like it gets me further away from them. I am going to try hard, for the rest of my life, to hang on to every little piece of them I have. And I will talk about them and remember them and do things for them and I hope that you will embrace that as a part of me. As a part of us.

So I hope that as we are figuring these things out, that you will just love us and know that we're going to be ok. I think we're going to be better than ok. I think we are going to come out of this better people and I hope the same for everyone who shared this journey with us.